I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
