I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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