and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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