new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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