Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
