he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
