I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
