its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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