Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
