you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
