I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize