you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
