My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
