Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
