Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
