ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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