A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
