What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
