you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
