I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
ttyl tear gas
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize