I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
