I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize