Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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