I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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