Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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