Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
