You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
