Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
