forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
