At least make sure they are 18
Why
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
