Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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