Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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