Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
