member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
