Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
