i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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