Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
