mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
