his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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