people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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