i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
