I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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