Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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