How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize