I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
