I feel like I'm in dance class right now
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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