remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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