Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
