My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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