were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
