Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
