I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
