i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
