So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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