you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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