this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
