your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
