the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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