There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
