My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
