I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize