After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
