Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he shaved USA in his pubs
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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