whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize