I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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