he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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