connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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