you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Found the puke drawer
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
