I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
