i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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