All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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