sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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