life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
