Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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