This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize