I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
