I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
