He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
