You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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