It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
ok first of all what the fuck
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
