So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
