You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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