Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
