Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
