guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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