I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
