Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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