in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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