k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
