Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
pop tarts are not kleenex
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
