And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
