If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
