i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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