i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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