My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
