You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
