I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
