Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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