She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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